What is Forgiveness: 

Forgiveness is a spiritual or mental process of breaking off the feeling of anger or resentment against the other person due to perceived errors, difference or offence, and ceasing to demand restitution or punishment.

Forgiveness is granted without the expectation of compensation. It can come through offering an apology or restitution, addressed to the victim, believing his willingness to forgive.

What is reconciliation: 

Reconciliation is the instance or process of retrieving friendship between two groups of people who are in dispute with each other. The reconciliation of two facts, beliefs or demands (that seem to be opposed) is the process of finding ways in which they both can be successful, true and willing to accept. This process includes the aspect of catharsis as well.

Relationships, whether familial or platonic, are sometimes challenging. People often feel hurt, and it takes effort and time to rebuild the ruptured relationship. If two people in conflict are committed to restoring the relationship, reconciliation is possible. You can maintain your dignity in this process if you follow the right way!

Reconciliation and forgiveness are slightly different concepts. Sometimes people reconcile but do not forgive each other, and other times, people forgive but prefer not to reconcile. The decision depends upon the person’s point of view.

reconciliation

What to keep under consideration in the process: 

In the process of forgiveness and reconciliation, it is essential to :

  • Be aware of what exactly happened: 

Talk to those who are involved, objectively analyze the situation, as it is necessary

  • Be humanitarian: 

Without judging or feeling superior, see who has offended whom (keeping strengths and weaknesses in sight).

  • Show humility: 

Keeping everything aside contributes to pride, which acts as a hurdle to forgiveness. Reflect on your own mistakes as well. Accept the fault of your contribution as well.

  • Keep calm:

Follow the stress managing techniques to suppress your anger and eventually remove it. Take deep breaths and think of peaceful stuff that calms you down ( maybe of someone you have affection for or image related to nature).

  • Avoid expecting an apology:

The process of forgiveness includes the release of all misunderstandings and resentments that have kept living till present and in the past. If you are the one who hurt the other person, do not expect that other person to accept it fast. Allow them time to handle it.

  • Recognize the benefits of forgiveness:

Studies have proved that the people who forgive and forget the conflicts have refined sleep patterns, better appetite and more energy. If you keep the bitterness and resentment in your heart, you can never move on to live a good life.

  • Forgive yourself: 

A smooth journey begins with self-forgiveness, i.e., “To forgive and to be forgiven” should be your approach in life. It will not only protect your self-confidence but also will help you to flourish with a light heart.

Why reconciliation and forgiveness are important: 

What prevents justice and peace from flourishing in the world? In a majority of cases, the answer is in “the refusal of reconciling” and “lack of forgiveness”. Sometimes we acknowledge this unwillingness and lack in our own (personal) relationships as well!

Below are the reasons why reconciliation and forgiveness are so important at personal, societal and global levels.

At the personal level: 

Often we let grudges, hurts and resentments build up within ourselves- the patterns and attitudes we keep on practising as a habit keeps us away from loving fully and freely.

Why reconciliation and forgiveness are important

Some of us have endured serious emotional injuries, such as deception/betrayal. We may have the suffering of ongoing consequences and oppression at the hands of others. If that is the case, there is no need for reconciliation, but just of forgiveness, for one’s own peace. But in other cases, where oppression is not involved, the process of forgiveness requires learning optimized skills of dealing appropriately. New behaviours can be learnt ( at individual and communal levels) once we decide to let go of the old ways of perceiving stuff. Be open to trying new possibilities.

At the societal level: 

Complicated structures of obstructions underlying ambiguity have been created among families with persistent feuds. Families even are unaware of why they avoid interacting with others in the family. Neighbours living next door often do not know one another. This growing culture of isolation keeps us away from caring about the struggles and needs of others.

Those who appear different from us are persistently ignored or rejected, i.e., religious intolerance and limitations due to the caste system are some of the loopholes and social barriers that need attention. Without having a dialogue in a respectful way, there can be no reconciliation honestly. Beyond these unfitting ways of relating, social structures need re-ordering and healing. Our court systems and prisons, our country’s death penalty are among the major societal systems in need of examination. A social change is needed to develop the essential skills to bring about these changes.

At the global level : 

The reason behind sustained age-old hostilities is the lack of trust across continents, between nations. The very same skills needed to reconcile at the personal level are needed to be practised among institutional leaders around the globe. Parties have to listen respectfully to others for negotiation and collaboration.

It takes new levels of skills and courage to exclude the past wrongs and offer the necessary restitution so that a new level of equality and mutual understanding can be found. No reconciliation is possible while oppression persists. Developing the skills essential for forgiving is indispensable for sharping a just global future.

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